I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
