So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
