I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
3pm strippers are depressing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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