Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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