Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish i was in the wii world.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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