he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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