He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
