whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
