I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
