Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
