You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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