Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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