someone threw a dead crab at me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This baby is an asshole
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
