Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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