I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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