why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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