From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
