That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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