I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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