awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
