I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
