hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize