Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
