life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
