Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
