its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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