i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What a dumb baby whore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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