i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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