I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
