I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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