Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
