Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
