I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
