Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
