You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
