dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
