you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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