I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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