I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
