maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
