she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!