I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!