Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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