Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.