After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dating After Heartbreak
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...