She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
