The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
