Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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