i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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