no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
