hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
