Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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