I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
