So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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