I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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