So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
