Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
