Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize