her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
