dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
