I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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