Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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