I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm both gender and math confused
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
