They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
