college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
