Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
