Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
