This is not my ceiling
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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