At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
