I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
