Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
